Mon. Jan 24th, 2022


The Beatles’ re-mastered in color, thanks to Peter Jackson’s eight-hour documentary Get back. But to be truly relevant for 2021, the band’s lyrics also need to be revamped.

Come Back (Boris Johnson Edition)

BoJo had a plan for home remodeling
But his budget has been exceeded
BoJo found his house used for celebrations
Then he acted completely upset

Come back, come back
Come back, and show us the right of wrong
Going back, Going back
Go back, and show us the right of wrong

With seasonal best wishes to the independent adviser on ministerial interests, Christopher Geidt – he will need it

LFT (to the tune of “Let It Be”)

When I find myself outside my bubble
Patrick Vallance comes to me
“Take a lateral flow test” – LFT

And in the nasal darkness
I sweep back and forth, poor me
Turn for 10 seconds, LFT
LFT, LFT, LFT, LFT, LFT
Just show me the one line, LFT

We can not go out (on the tune of “We can work it out”)

Try to see it my way
Should I keep isolating until my cough is gone?
If we stay here seven days,
Take the risk to know that our marriage may soon be over
We can not go out, we can not go out

Penny Lane (in a pandemic)

In Penny Lane there is a hairdresser who shows photos
From every head he had the pleasure of knowing
But all the people who have gone do not go;
Trading is pretty slow.

On the corner is a banker with a car
The children thought she was using it to commute
But the banker sits dumb at home
Dressed in PJs, very weird.

I want to hold your hand

Oh yes, I
Tell you something
I think it’s almost forbidden
Do not say
If it’s disgusting
I want to hold your hand

When It’s Minus Four (to the tune of “When I’m Sixty Four”)

When I get colder, in the fresh air,
Twenty minutes from now,
Would you still say it’s a good idea,
To sit outside and meet for a beer?
When we start mixing in a marquee tent,
Would this violate the law?
Will you please treat me, will you please warm me,
When is it minus four?

henry.mance@ft.com



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