Why am I still embarrassed about what happened 10 years ago?


Why am I still embarrassed about the things that happened 10 years ago?

Illustration: Vicki Leta / Gizmodo

Jizz askedJizz askedIn this Gizmodo series, we ask questions about everything and get answers from various experts.

Very nice day, you are walking side by side, standing in line of music, chances are good, your sweater matches your pants, the person you just saw sent you a nice text, no one you know is actively sick or angry at you, your dreams If not on the threshold of implementation, it’s not far from impossible, and while you’re still here, suddenly bold in the memory of some dumb thing you said a decade ago.

That is the power of embarrassment. How long it has been is not considered. No matter how thoroughly you try to rebuild yourself. Embarrassment is not considered to be corrected with who you were; Embarrassment doesn’t care about your retrograde justifications for what you do or do or say or why what you say and do isn’t so big in favor of a deal. Embarrassment will get you, even for years. For this week Jizz asked, We have reached out to several experts to find out the cause.


Dacher Keltner

Professor of Psychology, UC Berkeley, whose research interests include emotion and social interaction among other topics

Embarrassment taps into the dimensions of our core social identity, we hope others will see us as such and how we deviate from these aspirations. People have frequent themes in their embarrassing subjects in life, such as storytelling and banner tying, hanging out with friends, engaging in private with others, or knowing how to engage themselves in formal events. So we are embarrassed about what happened 10 years ago because our themes are necessary to us today, in terms of our desired social identity.

Jessica Tracy

Professor of Psychology and Director and Writer at the University of British Columbia Emotions and Self LabF Pride: The secret to success

The sensations we have about ourselves – embarrassment, but also pride, shame and guilt – we can feel them again even after we initially felt them 10 years later, because the elevator is SelfAnd it is still with us. Other emotions are not like that. You may feel intense fear of facing danger, and remember that incident a few years later and remember how scared you were, but you can no longer feel that fear if you are safe now. Conversely, if you think back to that time when you said that horrible thing in front of your boss or friend and are completely rusty, you can easily reach that same place of grief again, because the thing that caused the emotion – you still have. You’re still the person who did it, so remember that you did it almost as badly – even as badly as it could actually do. On the bright side, remember the time when you did something that made you very proud of yourself as a great achievement and you will see that you can get back the same feeling of pride that you got at that moment, because you still have the event with you And it can still be the source of that sense of self.

Robin Kowalski

Professor, Psychology, Clemson University

I think not only did it happen to us 10 years ago but we also feel embarrassed by what happened to other people (sympathetic embarrassment). At times when we are basically embarrassed, the situation has created a self-presenting situation – we are embarrassed because we have failed in trying to create a desired idea. This is why the first thing we do after we walk up the stairs is to look around to see if anyone has seen us. The embarrassing feeling we have and the realization that we can’t undo that situation makes us feel embarrassed every time we think about it. We regret that the situation happened and often reflect in ways that could have prevented us from creating the situation. Embarrassment is a strong emotion that helps explain why we still feel it many years later.

Roland Miller

Eminent Regents Professor Emeritus, Psychology, Sam Houston State University, whose research focuses on embarrassment and shame, among other things

Even after 10 years, if you just start imagining a situation where you were dramatically embarrassed, you can create a fresh embarrassing situation – remembering exactly what it was. Embarrassment is a strong emotion and obvious events become more memorable (this applies to anger as well as to many other emotions).

Embarrassment – The emotion of disguising a social accident depends on anxiety about what other people think of us. We are not embarrassed by many things in privacy until we are suddenly threatened with discovery. Even when we haven’t discovered it, just thinking about what others might have thought might be a little embarrassing if they only knew.

It is an event that speaks to the social power of embarrassment, an interesting emotion em it is probably present because it provided a reliable signal to others that we recognized our transgression by that we were disguised by it, we regretted it and Can be expected to behave more appropriately in the future. It reassures others because it acts as pure non-verbal forgiveness.

When people can do something they like and ignore the opinions of others – if people can’t feel embarrassed (which may be true in the case of psychopaths) – they are not believable. The expert’s advice is that the ability to be embarrassed when you stand in front of the public is a good embar embarrassment. When we are flawed and embarrassed, people like us trust us better and better than we are when they are completely unaffected by our bad behavior.

Mary C. Lamia

Psychologist, and Professor at the Wright Institute

Some memories carry sensitive intensity and sophistication than others and as a result, they are more likely to be remembered. Embarrassing moments are usually surprising and extremely emotional.

Embarrassment is a subset of shame-emotions that often arise in situations where we ourselves become very bad and express concern that we have become weak in the eyes of others. Shame is perceived as exposure to external or internal judgment, or it may arise in the context of broken bonds with others. An embarrassing response told us that for the moment we felt an obstacle in maintaining that bond. In general, when shame is activated, we feel bad about who we are – our whole self – that wants to hide or make us invisible.

We may not like to remember our embarrassing words, but these memories and the uncomfortable sensations associated with them are part of an adaptive process that protects us; That is, memory enables us to present past experiences and information and apply future possibilities. The experience of shame (embarrassment) developed as a supportive response to error. How we deal with our embarrassing situations is important for our healthy learning and our ability to interact socially and intimately.

Repeatedly bringing back embarrassment in our minds can negatively affect how we feel, how we behave in public, and our general mood. We are not our embarrassing mistake. Instead, the mistakes we make can help us learn. So, it is important to take a look at our responses and be curious about why we responded. As such, the embarrassment of the past is somewhat like that of a person in our life who provided important information for our present and future use.

Self-observation that is often encouraged by the embarrassment of being embarrassed and felt as remorse provides an opportunity to learn, change, improve, or do something different the next time. People who are successful in their endeavors or careers often use their emotions. Instead of responding defensively to what they feel, they reflect, self-evaluate and learn.

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